Big Girls Don’t Cry??

There’s a situation that’s been dragging on in my life for the last few years. Last Friday was supposed to be the day it would be resolved but it wasn’t and I was disappointed… if I’m honest, I was more than disappointed. I was really frustrated and kind of angry!

I’m SO ready to leave the past in the past and move on with my life! I’m an action taker who likes to get things done and move on to the next thing and I find it REALLY difficult when things are completely out of my hands. It triggers past trauma and feelings of fear and helplessness and that requires me to dance with my demons. While dancing with my demons is sometimes necessary, it isn’t usually the fun kind of dancing…

On this particular occasion, here’s what that dance looked like: I don’t have time for this! I have important things to do and this is getting in the way of everything! Why can’t this just be finished so I can put it behind me???

When I got home, I got in touch with my people with the update that wasn’t an update, and with each conversation or message, I found myself going deeper and deeper into the space of “Poor Me”. I confided to one friend that I felt like I was dragging a big steaming pile of crap through my life and I really wanted to leave it behind me but no matter how much I want to release it I can’t because it’s not resolved and out of my hands. (You can almost hear that triggered helplessness and fear, can’t you?)

Now, let’s be clear, sometimes there are things that are completely outside of our control, especially if you’re dealing with systems – like the legal system or almost anything government related. There are processes and scheduling issues that cause delays and we don’t have much say in that. This can also happen when we’re dealing with people who have a different agenda. It’s part of life and we all deal with it from time to time. But how was going into “Poor Me” going to help me?? Here’s the short answer – it wasn’t because it never does!

And here’s the beauty of what can happen when you do your work…

When I realized what I was doing, I started asking questions. (This is a really great tool to help break out of that “Poor Me” space BTW) “What am I not getting about what’s happening? Is there something I’m supposed to be learning here? Is there anything I can do about this?”, and not long after, the most beautiful thing happened. Part of the chorus from “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie played through my mind and kept playing over and over again:

“I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It’s personal myself and I, we got some straightening out to do”

As it looped through my mind, I started to understand. This really has nothing to do with me, it’s just a thing that’s happening! (Aha moment!) I’m not dragging a big steaming pile of anything through my life, it’s just a factor I need to deal with until this has all played out, AND I have a choice. I may not be able to remove it from my life right now, but I CAN choose how I handle it.

Will I allow that pile to stop me or will I step over or around it and focus on everything amazing in my life and work? Will I allow it to sap my energy or will I put my energy into more productive things? Will I roll around in it and feel like a victim or will I pull up my big girl panties and get on with things? What importance am I going to allow that pile to have in my life, because that is something I can control.

And BONUS TIP – when you get really good at this, try asking this: How can I use this pile of crap as fertilizer for the things I’m growing? I know, good one right?!

The TRUTH is, I have plans and dreams and hopes and goals, I have amazing people who love me for exactly who I am, and I have direction and fulfillment in my work. The TRUTH is, I’ve already moved on and this situation hasn’t stopped me. Delayed? Maybe. Complicated? Certainly, but I’ve learned so much and that knowledge and experience will become fertilizer as I continue to grow.

And just like that, the energy shifted! It’s simply a factor, I haven’t created it, it’s NOT my fault, and there’s nothing I can do to change the situation right now. Kind of like the weather, we just have to figure out how to work with it or around it until it passes. There’s so much ease in that shift.

So here’s the thing. When you find yourself feeling stuck in an uncomfortable situation, what do you do? Do you own the big steaming pile of crap because it happens to be a factor in your life? Or do you step over or around it and keep moving forward?

You, my friend, get to choose what you allow to be an obstacle in your life. That’s not up to anyone else. What do you choose?

With SO much love…